Sports Fan

This guy I work with, R, likes to try and fit in with the rest of us by pretending he watches sports, as demonstrated here...

http://spaputzstories.blogspot.com/2012/08/urlacher.html


And a couple more recent conversations:

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THURSDAY
R: Did you see they won last night! I was up until midnight watching!

Me (testing him): I didn't see the end of the game. I went to bed at 11:00. I don't even know who scored the winning goal.

R: The Hawks!

Me: I know, but what player?

R: Daya. That's his name I think. Daya. Daya. Yeah, I think that's it (starts flipping through a Red Eye to look for the answer). Yeah, I'm pretty sure Daya.

Me: You mean Oduya?

R: Yeah! That's the guy! Duya!

Me: .............................

Actually, it was Andrew Shaw.

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TODAY

Me: Did you watch the basketball game last night?

R: What?

Me: The basketball finals. Have you been watching?

R: Who's in that?

Me: The Spurs and the Heat.

R: Oh yeah! I love the Spurs! (yeah, you're clearly a HUGE fan....didn't even know they were in the finals.....) They are so good! And that James. What's his name? James Bron? (do you know he's NOT on the Spurs??)

Me: LeBron James?

R: Yeah! James LeBron! He is so good! Especially when he teams up with Waday! They are unbelievable!

Me: Dwyane Wade??

R: Yeah, Wade. I still like Rodman though (you know he doesn't play anymore, right??). He's my favorite! Not as good as Michael. But I really like that Rodman! That one guy though, Joe Novak? He's not so great though?

Me: (blank stare)

R: With the tail?

Me: (blank stare)

R: The tail! (pulling on his hair)

Me: Joakim Noah?

R: Yeah! He's not very good though. And no one is as good as Rose (hey! you got one right!). He will never be the same now though, out for a year.

Me: I don't know? Sometimes after a year to rest and all that intense rehab, you come back even stronger than before.

R: No. He will be too scared to jump. It's all mental.

Me: Well it depends on the person I guess. Because a couple years ago, Peyton Manning was out for a whole season with a neck injury and he came back as good as always. And with a new team on top of all that.

R: Yeah, Eli Manning.

Me: FUCK ELI MANNING! THAT GUY IS THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE DOUCHBAG SHITFACE!

R: Oh. But they are brothers. And Eli is in Indiana.

Me: No, Peyton used to be in Indiana with the Colts, but now he's with the Broncos. And Eli is with the Giants.

R: One of them is not very good, I know.

Me: THAT'S ELI! HE FUCKING SUCKS!

R: Yeah, that guy in New York isn't very good. But the other one is good. They are brothers.

Me: Yeah, Peyton is one of the best QB's of all time.

R: Yeah, I know that. I have good memory for these things. He is my favorite!



Well, he might not have many facts straight, but at least he knows who SUCKS!!!!!!!