Restrictions

My husband and I went out to dinner last night at Ruby Tuesday. A few minutes after we were seated, the table next to us was seated with a mom and her son who we guessed was about 6. Their waitress came over to take their order and the mom pulled a laminated sheet of paper out of her purse. It was a list of her son's food restrictions, due to allergies.

Now, I'm not exactly mocking her for the laminated list. I'm certainly not trying to make light of food allergies. I have some minor food allergies myself (melons, honey, berries), and someone very close to me has much more serious allergies (egg and nuts). So I understand that food allergies are very serious. It literally can be a life-or-death situation, and that's nothing to laugh at. And I'm not a parent, so maybe I just don't understand the seemingly overprotective laminated list. But to my husband and I, it just seemed a bit....extreme. I think the message could have been simply conveyed by just saying, "He's allergic to dairy and nuts. Please make sure nothing of his comes into any contact with that shit."

Soon after placing their order, the manager came to their table to reassure the mom that they were taking all the proper precautions in the kitchen to ensure her son's food would not associate with the items on her laminated list. And the mom started gushing about how grateful she was that they were so accommodating and how food allergies have become so common now that many restaurants were able to modify menu items for those people and she was so happy that they were finally able to go out to eat. And it seemed like this may have been their first meal out of the house, because the mom spent the rest of dinnertime "educating" her son about what allergies are, and other food-related trivia. The conversation went something like this:

Mom: So, you know that you have allergies to food, right? And it's unique, but not uncommon. And it's nothing to feel bad or ashamed about. You know how some people have allergies to dust or pets or flowers? Well it's like the same thing with you, except your allergy is to food. Having food allergies just means there is something in your body that doesn't like milk or cheese or peanuts or other things like that, and if you eat those things, your body gets mad at you and fights back by breaking out into a rash and closing your throat so it makes it difficult to breathe, and it's really serious and could kill you. But the people here in the kitchen are going to make sure that they don't give you any of those kinds of foods because I told them about your allergies, so we can eat here safely.

Son: Oh.

(Yeah. Oh. Maybe the 6-year-old doesn't need a death scare. Thanks, Mom)

Mom: And I have an Epipen in my purse just in case. Do you know what that is?

Son: No.

Mom: It's a spring-loaded needle that will inject medicine into your body that will instantly make the swelling and rash go away. It works right away, like magic, and in just one second...less than one second...instantly...you would be okay. So you should always remember that an Epipen is your friend! And I always have one with me in my purse.

(That's right, Son. Your friend is going to stab you)

Son: You do?

Mom: Of course! Why do you think I have such a big purse??

(Yeah. Those really take up a lot of space)

Mom: If you ever ate any of those things that you're allergic to, I would just put the Epipen on your leg and push down, and that would eject the needle and puncture your leg to let the medicine into your body to make you better.

Son: Oh.

Their food arrived; the mom's lobster and the son's hamburger.

Mom: This lobster looks so good, I don't even feel bad about eating it! Do you feel bad for that cow?

Son: What cow?

Mom: Well...you know what beef is made from...don't you?

Son: No.

(Way to ruin hamburgers for him, Mom)

Mom: You really don't know?? (What are you? Stupid??)

Son: (blank stare)

Mom: Well it's made from cows. (Duh)

Son: Oh.

Mom: There are some people who think it's cruel to eat a cow.

(You don't think it's cruel? I eat meat, but I'd still admit that it's cruel)

Mom: Well, not just cows. You know where other meat comes from, right? (Or are you stupid?)

Son: (blank stare)

Mom: Like chicken and ham and bacon?

Son: (blank stare)

(I don't think Old McDonald teaches 6-year-olds those kinds of facts, Mom)

Mom: Those come from animals too, right?

(Don't ask him if that's "right" when he clearly didn't know that was right. Unless you're trying to make him feel stupid for not knowing)

Mom: So like I said, there are some people who think it's cruel of us to eat animals. Those people think that we are selfish to basically just be raising them for their meat. Those people think that the animals don't really get much of a life because they are held captive.

(Right?)

Mom: So some people choose not to eat meat. Those people are called "vegetarians."

Son: Oh.

Mom: And then there are some people who are even more extreme, and those people think that it's cruel to even eat anything that comes from an animal. Like milk. You know milk comes from cows, right?

Son: (blank stare)

Mom: And eggs come from chickens? You know that, right?

Son: (blank stare)

Mom: So some people don't eat eggs or milk or anything that's even made from eggs or milk. Like cheese, or ice cream. Those kinds of people are called "vegans."

Son: Oh.

Mom: But most people eat meat. And lots of people have food allergies. So don't worry about anything.

Son: (blank stare)

Mom: So.....how's that burger?