The reports are kept on a database that I have almost zero experience with, so the project manager assigned the report-printing task to P, a late-40ish guy who is very familiar with this database.
My prior exchanges with P have basically consisted of a "Hi" in passing, or running into him in the print room where he (every time) tells me that I'd be much better off using the "secure print" feature instead of just regular printing. So he comes across as sort of an annoying know-it-all.
So last week, he "secure printed" all these reports and has been holding them at his desk waiting for someone to be assigned to the job (enter, Me). So he pulled out the reports from a drawer and gave me a brief run-down of what I needed to look for (each of these reports is 25-30 pages and i really only need like 2 paragraphs). And then....he decided to take advantage of the situation of me already being at his desk talking to him about work....to change the topic to personal conversation.
The desk-setup at my office is typically 4 desks in 1 giant cubicle (we call it a "quad"). But there is the occasional area of the floor where only 2 desks share a U-shaped-half-cubicle. He is in one of those 2-desk setups, and no one occupies the desk next to him. So whereas most of us have 3 other people to socialize with throughout the day, he is stuck by himself. So I understand his desire to want to talk to me (anyone, really), but I was so bored and he was so talkative that there wasn't really a great break in conversation to say, "Well, thanks for the reports. I've got to get to work on these now." Plus, sometimes I'm just too nice to be so rude to someone who got stuck with the shit-work of the project. So for an hour (yes, literally 60 minutes) I got to hear him ramble on about the following topics:
- It wasn't a big deal for him to print all this stuff for me. He likes to come in at 10 pm on Saturday and stay until 6 am on Sunday so that he has the printer all to himself and no one is around to distract him (that seems rather extreme)
- By 10 pm on Saturday, street parking is starting to clear out, so he can usually find a close parking spot on Wabash right in front of our building for free in the daytime-reserved loading zones
- He lives in Oak Lawn and drives to work every day because his brother lives in Indiana and his sister lives in Southern Illinois so he is the only one around to take care of his mom. He stops by her house every morning to make her breakfast and eat with her, and every night on his way home to make her dinner and eat with her (that seems excessive. nice of him, but excessive. i wonder if she gets as bored listening to him as i did).
- He gets home at 9:30 most nights and usually goes right to bed
- He bet that I wouldn't have guessed he's mostly Italian because he doesn't look like it at all, right? (Dude, I am probably the worst ethnic-stereotype-guesser you know). He thought it should be obvious because he has light skin (not olive), straight hair (not curly), and an average size nose (not a big nose)
- He has rosacea on his nose and cheeks, which he thinks is strange because he's not even Polish, because don't I know how all the Polish people you see have really red cheeks (no, actually, i don't know what you mean. and half of my family is 100% Polish. so maybe you should check your facts on that one)
It was probably around this time that his phone rang (thank God!). He looked at the caller ID. He kept talking....(son of a ________!!)
- He has to be careful in the sun, because it makes his rosacea worse. But he bought stock in an airline quite a few years ago (i think he said eastern airlines. did that used to be an airline? it sounds vaguely familiar i guess) and part of his stock-owning benefits is cheap tickets (really?). So sometimes when people ask him on Monday how his weekend was, he can say, "It was great. I went to the Bahamas!" And everyone laughs because they think he's joking. But he's not!
His voicemail indicator lit up. He looked at it. He kept talking.....(what the ______?!? i'm never going to get out of this!)
- Have I ever been to the Bahamas? No, I haven't (is the Cayman islands considered Bahamas or Carribean? anyway, i thought it might shorten the conversation to say "no" so that he wouldn't ask me to tell him all about my trip). Well, I just have to go there sometime because it's so wonderful!
- He's found a great sunscreen for his trips that keeps his rosacea under control. It was Aveeno something (he had a miniature bottle of it on his desk and showed me). It's water proof and sweat proof! And it really works great.....because you put it on AFTER you've been out in the sun (what? there is no way that makes any sense). That way, it doesn't get washed away by water and sweat (then i guess it's not really water and sweat proof, is it??)
- On his senior trip in high school, they went on a Carnival cruise and it got him hooked on sunny, warm, beach vacations. One night on the trip though, he didn't show up for dinner, so one of the adults got a key to his room and found him passed out on his bed with only one pant leg on. He was so wasted!
- After high school he worked for a construction company and now when he drives by those homes that he helped build, they are all run down because of all the cheap "construction grade" material that is used to build homes. His mother just had to replace her water heater and though the "commercial grade" sounded the best. He was able to talk her out of it though.
- He grew up in a neighborhood surrounded by his whole extended family (because they all sound inbred). He gave me an example: "It's like if you and I got married, and then my brother married your sister, and then my cousin married your cousin, and your aunt married my uncle...." (thanks for that example which included us getting married)
- His brother-in-law's mom just died. She lived in a townhouse on a hill, and the association was always digging up the lawn whenever they would mow over the ridge of the hill. Then they would re-sod, and then just rip it up again the next time they mowed the lawn
- One of his cousins just sold their house to a real estate company because the cousin had the house on the market so long, that the real estate company made a really low offer and the cousin was so desperate to get rid of the house that they sold it for really low. Now the Realtor is probably going to flip the house and make a huge profit
- He lives in a small house by himself because he is single and doesn't have any kids. He has some nieces and nephews though and he finds it amusing to get them all loaded up with sugar and then send them home. And when his siblings complain to him about it, he laughs and says, "You wanted to be a parent! That wasn't my choice! Hahahaha." Such a dick move
Me: Well, it's probably about time for me to be going home....
P: (looks at the clock...3:45) Oh, do you leave at 4?
Me: Yeah. I get here at 7.
P: Oh. I could never be here that early! I prefer to come in late when there is no traffic, and then leave late when there is no traffic. And since I stop by my mom's for dinner every night anyway, there is no point in me rushing out of here so early. That must be nice though to have enough time to do some errands and stuff after work, like...
Me: Yep. Thanks for printing all this....(walking away)
P: It was my pleasure, since I stayed late to do it and no one was bothering me. And I really enjoyed talking to you!
Yeah. The pleasure was all yours.
No comments:
Post a Comment