Random Thoughts

I started a new project at work today. Our client has written a bunch of reports of mistakes that they've found with drawings and field conditions not matching. So I've been assigned the task of going through these 50ish reports and resolving the errors.

The reports are kept on a database that I have almost zero experience with, so the project manager assigned the report-printing task to P, a late-40ish guy who is very familiar with this database.

My prior exchanges with P have basically consisted of a "Hi" in passing, or running into him in the print room where he (every time) tells me that I'd be much better off using the "secure print" feature instead of just regular printing. So he comes across as sort of an annoying know-it-all.

So last week, he "secure printed" all these reports and has been holding them at his desk waiting for someone to be assigned to the job (enter, Me). So he pulled out the reports from a drawer and gave me a brief run-down of what I needed to look for (each of these reports is 25-30 pages and i really only need like 2 paragraphs). And then....he decided to take advantage of the situation of me already being at his desk talking to him about work....to change the topic to personal conversation.

The desk-setup at my office is typically 4 desks in 1 giant cubicle (we call it a "quad"). But there is the occasional area of the floor where only 2 desks share a U-shaped-half-cubicle. He is in one of those 2-desk setups, and no one occupies the desk next to him. So whereas most of us have 3 other people to socialize with throughout the day, he is stuck by himself. So I understand his desire to want to talk to me (anyone, really), but I was so bored and he was so talkative that there wasn't really a great break in conversation to say, "Well, thanks for the reports. I've got to get to work on these now." Plus, sometimes I'm just too nice to be so rude to someone who got stuck with the shit-work of the project. So for an hour (yes, literally 60 minutes) I got to hear him ramble on about the following topics:

• It wasn't a big deal for him to print all this stuff for me. He likes to come in at 10 pm on Saturday and stay until 6 am on Sunday so that he has the printer all to himself and no one is around to distract him (that seems rather extreme)
• By 10 pm on Saturday, street parking is starting to clear out, so he can usually find a close parking spot on Wabash right in front of our building for free in the daytime-reserved loading zones
• He lives in Oak Lawn and drives to work every day because his brother lives in Indiana and his sister lives in Southern Illinois so he is the only one around to take care of his mom. He stops by her house every morning to make her breakfast and eat with her, and every night on his way home to make her dinner and eat with her (that seems excessive. nice of him, but excessive. i wonder if she gets as bored listening to him as i did).
• He gets home at 9:30 most nights and usually goes right to bed
• He bet that I wouldn't have guessed he's mostly Italian because he doesn't look like it at all, right? (Dude, I am probably the worst ethnic-stereotype-guesser you know). He thought it should be obvious because he has light skin (not olive), straight hair (not curly), and an average size nose (not a big nose)
• He has rosacea on his nose and cheeks, which he thinks is strange because he's not even Polish, because don't I know how all the Polish people you see have really red cheeks (no, actually, i don't know what you mean. and half of my family is 100% Polish. so maybe you should check your facts on that one)

It was probably around this time that his phone rang (thank God!). He looked at the caller ID. He kept talking....(son of a ________!!)

• He has to be careful in the sun, because it makes his rosacea worse. But he bought stock in an airline quite a few years ago (i think he said eastern airlines. did that used to be an airline? it sounds vaguely familiar i guess) and part of his stock-owning benefits is cheap tickets (really?). So sometimes when people ask him on Monday how his weekend was, he can say, "It was great. I went to the Bahamas!" And everyone laughs because they think he's joking. But he's not!

His voicemail indicator lit up. He looked at it. He kept talking.....(what the ______?!? i'm never going to get out of this!)

• Have I ever been to the Bahamas? No, I haven't (is the Cayman islands considered Bahamas or Carribean? anyway, i thought it might shorten the conversation to say "no" so that he wouldn't ask me to tell him all about my trip). Well, I just have to go there sometime because it's so wonderful!
• He's found a great sunscreen for his trips that keeps his rosacea under control. It was Aveeno something (he had a miniature bottle of it on his desk and showed me). It's water proof and sweat proof! And it really works great.....because you put it on AFTER you've been out in the sun (what? there is no way that makes any sense). That way, it doesn't get washed away by water and sweat (then i guess it's not really water and sweat proof, is it??)
• On his senior trip in high school, they went on a Carnival cruise and it got him hooked on sunny, warm, beach vacations. One night on the trip though, he didn't show up for dinner, so one of the adults got a key to his room and found him passed out on his bed with only one pant leg on. He was so wasted!
• After high school he worked for a construction company and now when he drives by those homes that he helped build, they are all run down because of all the cheap "construction grade" material that is used to build homes. His mother just had to replace her water heater and though the "commercial grade" sounded the best. He was able to talk her out of it though.
• He grew up in a neighborhood surrounded by his whole extended family (because they all sound inbred). He gave me an example: "It's like if you and I got married, and then my brother married your sister, and then my cousin married your cousin, and your aunt married my uncle...." (thanks for that example which included us getting married)
• His brother-in-law's mom just died. She lived in a townhouse on a hill, and the association was always digging up the lawn whenever they would mow over the ridge of the hill. Then they would re-sod, and then just rip it up again the next time they mowed the lawn
• One of his cousins just sold their house to a real estate company because the cousin had the house on the market so long, that the real estate company made a really low offer and the cousin was so desperate to get rid of the house that they sold it for really low. Now the Realtor is probably going to flip the house and make a huge profit
• He lives in a small house by himself because he is single and doesn't have any kids. He has some nieces and nephews though and he finds it amusing to get them all loaded up with sugar and then send them home. And when his siblings complain to him about it, he laughs and says, "You wanted to be a parent! That wasn't my choice! Hahahaha." Such a dick move

Me: Well, it's probably about time for me to be going home....

P: (looks at the clock...3:45) Oh, do you leave at 4?

Me: Yeah. I get here at 7.

P: Oh. I could never be here that early! I prefer to come in late when there is no traffic, and then leave late when there is no traffic. And since I stop by my mom's for dinner every night anyway, there is no point in me rushing out of here so early. That must be nice though to have enough time to do some errands and stuff after work, like...

Me: Yep. Thanks for printing all this....(walking away)

P: It was my pleasure, since I stayed late to do it and no one was bothering me. And I really enjoyed talking to you!

Yeah. The pleasure was all yours.

Checkers

Monday night is the typical grocery shopping night for my husband and I. We love the fact that the grocery store is a very convenient 1 block away, however, we loathe the fact that most the employees we come in contact with have some issues:

The Checkers:

• A slow-moving older woman
• A middle-aged woman who tells you all her personal/medical problems, and will also look at all your purchases and ask you if you've ever tried them before--and if you have--asks you if they are any good (no, lady, they are shit. that's why i'm buying them again)
• A woman who every time I buy a Lean Cuisine asks me how much weight I've lost on my diet (does it look like i'm on a diet? no. i'm just too lazy to pack an actual lunch)
• A 20-something girl who always compliments our purchases ("you guys always get the best stuff!") and then asks if she can come over for dinner. I'm almost certain she's joking about that...
• An older guy who is really chatty about the weather and local sports (neither of which i have much to say about)

The Baggers:

• A....mentally deficient....middle-aged man who is always asking if it's break time
• A 20-something girl who it's a toss up of whether or not she's mentally deficient, or just really fucking weird

And then there is the kid we had for a checker tonight:

He's pretty new; maybe 2 or 3 months on the job. And he's kind of quiet, but very nice, and not a bad checker. I appreciate that he's not too chatty because I am terrible at talking to people I don't know, but he reminds Jim and I a lot of someone we know and love in looks and personality. So that, plus the fact that he's nice, makes me want to try to talk to him. I always hope that if I can ask him a question, it might get him going on a lengthy conversation to fill the time. It usually ends up in a short, sort of awkward conversation though since we have no common interests and I have nothing to say in response to his talk about music or the places he hangs out. So tonight I noticed he was wearing a lot of bead bracelets; like 8 or 9 of them:

Me: Did you make all your bracelets?

J: No. People made them for me. It's a Rave thing.

Me: (cluelessly) .....Oh.......Cool......

J: If you think these are cool, you should see the ones that I'm not allowed to wear to work!

Me: (ignorantly not knowing what that means......blank stare)

J: Some of them are like 5 inches tall and some of them are 3-D, like with charms coming out of them and stuff. Those are REALLY cool!

Me: (feeling old and ignorant) ..........Oh......That's awesome.......

(back to awkward silence)

So as Jim and I were loading groceries into the car I was asking him if he heard my conversation with the checker:

Jim: Well I heard you ask him about his bracelets, but I didn't hear his response.

Me: He said people made the bracelets for him. That it's a Rave thing.

Jim: What?!

Me: A Rave thing.

Jim: That actually doesn't surprise me...

Me: He does look like the type, but I thought it was kind of weird cause he had to call a "21" for the guy ahead of us in line. So apparently there are under-age Rave clubs.

Jim: .....Uh.......That doesn't sound right......

Me: (ignorantly old and naive) Oh.......

Restrictions

My husband and I went out to dinner last night at Ruby Tuesday. A few minutes after we were seated, the table next to us was seated with a mom and her son who we guessed was about 6. Their waitress came over to take their order and the mom pulled a laminated sheet of paper out of her purse. It was a list of her son's food restrictions, due to allergies.

Now, I'm not exactly mocking her for the laminated list. I'm certainly not trying to make light of food allergies. I have some minor food allergies myself (melons, honey, berries), and someone very close to me has much more serious allergies (egg and nuts). So I understand that food allergies are very serious. It literally can be a life-or-death situation, and that's nothing to laugh at. And I'm not a parent, so maybe I just don't understand the seemingly overprotective laminated list. But to my husband and I, it just seemed a bit....extreme. I think the message could have been simply conveyed by just saying, "He's allergic to dairy and nuts. Please make sure nothing of his comes into any contact with that shit."

Soon after placing their order, the manager came to their table to reassure the mom that they were taking all the proper precautions in the kitchen to ensure her son's food would not associate with the items on her laminated list. And the mom started gushing about how grateful she was that they were so accommodating and how food allergies have become so common now that many restaurants were able to modify menu items for those people and she was so happy that they were finally able to go out to eat. And it seemed like this may have been their first meal out of the house, because the mom spent the rest of dinnertime "educating" her son about what allergies are, and other food-related trivia. The conversation went something like this:

Mom: So, you know that you have allergies to food, right? And it's unique, but not uncommon. And it's nothing to feel bad or ashamed about. You know how some people have allergies to dust or pets or flowers? Well it's like the same thing with you, except your allergy is to food. Having food allergies just means there is something in your body that doesn't like milk or cheese or peanuts or other things like that, and if you eat those things, your body gets mad at you and fights back by breaking out into a rash and closing your throat so it makes it difficult to breathe, and it's really serious and could kill you. But the people here in the kitchen are going to make sure that they don't give you any of those kinds of foods because I told them about your allergies, so we can eat here safely.

Son: Oh.

(Yeah. Oh. Maybe the 6-year-old doesn't need a death scare. Thanks, Mom)

Mom: And I have an Epipen in my purse just in case. Do you know what that is?

Son: No.

Mom: It's a spring-loaded needle that will inject medicine into your body that will instantly make the swelling and rash go away. It works right away, like magic, and in just one second...less than one second...instantly...you would be okay. So you should always remember that an Epipen is your friend! And I always have one with me in my purse.

(That's right, Son. Your friend is going to stab you)

Son: You do?

Mom: Of course! Why do you think I have such a big purse??

(Yeah. Those really take up a lot of space)

Mom: If you ever ate any of those things that you're allergic to, I would just put the Epipen on your leg and push down, and that would eject the needle and puncture your leg to let the medicine into your body to make you better.

Son: Oh.

Their food arrived; the mom's lobster and the son's hamburger.

Mom: This lobster looks so good, I don't even feel bad about eating it! Do you feel bad for that cow?

Son: What cow?

Mom: Well...you know what beef is made from...don't you?

Son: No.

(Way to ruin hamburgers for him, Mom)

Mom: You really don't know?? (What are you? Stupid??)

Son: (blank stare)

Mom: Well it's made from cows. (Duh)

Son: Oh.

Mom: There are some people who think it's cruel to eat a cow.

(You don't think it's cruel? I eat meat, but I'd still admit that it's cruel)

Mom: Well, not just cows. You know where other meat comes from, right? (Or are you stupid?)

Son: (blank stare)

Mom: Like chicken and ham and bacon?

Son: (blank stare)

(I don't think Old McDonald teaches 6-year-olds those kinds of facts, Mom)

Mom: Those come from animals too, right?

(Don't ask him if that's "right" when he clearly didn't know that was right. Unless you're trying to make him feel stupid for not knowing)

Mom: So like I said, there are some people who think it's cruel of us to eat animals. Those people think that we are selfish to basically just be raising them for their meat. Those people think that the animals don't really get much of a life because they are held captive.

(Right?)

Mom: So some people choose not to eat meat. Those people are called "vegetarians."

Son: Oh.

Mom: And then there are some people who are even more extreme, and those people think that it's cruel to even eat anything that comes from an animal. Like milk. You know milk comes from cows, right?

Son: (blank stare)

Mom: And eggs come from chickens? You know that, right?

Son: (blank stare)

Mom: So some people don't eat eggs or milk or anything that's even made from eggs or milk. Like cheese, or ice cream. Those kinds of people are called "vegans."

Son: Oh.

Mom: But most people eat meat. And lots of people have food allergies. So don't worry about anything.

Son: (blank stare)

Mom: So.....how's that burger?

Extremely Disturbing

If you haven't read

http://spaputzstories.blogspot.com/2013/02/extreme.html

and

http://spaputzstories.blogspot.com/2012/12/disturbing.html

and

http://spaputzstories.blogspot.com/2011/11/maintenance-issues.html

you should take a few minutes to read them. They are all about the same guy I work with, as is this following bit.....


Today is business day #8 that I've noticed this guy has worn the exact same sweater vest. I remember he wore it every day last week, and so far every day this week. And I can only assume that if he wore it all last week and, so far, all this week, he most likely also wore it all this past weekend. So this is really at least Day #10 that he's wearing it. And it's possible that he wore it all the previous weekend, so this is potentially Day #12. And I'm unable to recall if it was worn the previous week, so we could be looking well into a double digit number of consecutive days of this sweater vest.

Now, certainly, I've been known to wear the same thing perhaps twice in one week, but that's usually after it's been washed (sometimes the same pants will appear twice in between washes, or a cardigan sweater if I had another shirt on underneath it). But my nose is 100% certain that in the possible 12+ days that this guy has worn this sweater vest, it has not once been washed. It's also questionable whether or not he has showered in that time frame either.

The vest is a very thick wool; a super absorbent material of things such as body odor, sweat, dirt, and 2 weeks worth of general grease and grim. It's beige so I guess he figures that neutral matches everything. It didn't really go so well over his color-blocked rugby shirt though yesterday. But regardless, I'm not offended by his fashion choices; it's the olfactory offense that I'm disturbed by.

But I suppose that if there is no time at home for him to cut his fingernails, I shouldn't expect him to find time for laundry and showering either.

Headache-free

Last Saturday I woke up feeling great. I bummed around the house a little, went to the gym, did a couple errands, came home and was bumming around again, got up off the couch...and felt a little dizzy. Not room-spinning dizzy, but just a feeling of unstableness.

This feeling actually happens to me somewhat regularly. I associate it with a sinus infection. Like, my sinuses are so swollen that they are pressing unequally against my inner ear and throwing off my balance. Nice. I just had my tonsils removed in hopes of lessening my sinus infection frequency and now, it seems, here we go again.

So more bumming on the couch, I suddenly felt the sensation of being stabbed in the head with a knife. Headaches for me are not uncommon though, so I wobbled over to the pantry and found my OTC tension headache WALGREENS brand medicine and took a dose. The stabbing went away and left me with just a dull headache. Tolerable.

But by Monday I was still dizzy and mildly headachy so I made an appointment with my ENT for the next morning and told my supervisor:

Me: I don't think I'm going to be in tomorrow. I've been feeling dizzy and headachy since Saturday and....

P: Oh, me too! It's just stress, Man.

Me: .....oh......well......I scheduled a doctors appointment for tomorrow, so I'm not going to be in to work

P: Oh, okay. Well, take care of yourself then.

So now I kind of feel like an asshole for having the same symptoms he does, but where he just sort of blows it off as stress, I'm off to the doctor. A nurse once told me though that dizziness is a symptom that should NEVER be ignored.

So it turns out that it's a common misconception that dizziness is associated with sinus infections. Apparently it is NEVER associated with sinus infections. So that, plus the fact that I've been previously diagnosed with migraines, plus the fact that I was feeling zero congestion, my doctor said that my dizziness was related to a migraine and that there is a condition called "Headache-Free Migraine" where you get all the side effects of a migraine but without a headache. So he said to make the dizziness go away, we needed to treat the migraine. He prescribed. Topamax.

My favorite drug-review website is AskAPatient.com. Here are some selective pros and cons for Topamax:

PROS:
Lost 70 pounds in 3 months (someone had this in the CONS list....I'm calling this a major PRO!)
Didn't necessarily increase mood in a euphoric sense, but made me much more mellow
Decreased headaches (glad to see at least ONE person mentioned that...)


CONS:
Word search problems (I think they mean it was hard to find the right words to say, but this makes it sound like they were struggling with Word Search puzzles. I guess, ironically, this is a good example of their "word search problems)
Rage
Suicidal thoughts
Almost broke my hand
Intense crushing pain inside my head
Started having hallucinations where I was being followed around by a small elephant and I saw and talked with my dead mother
I told my Dr. that I was standing at my kitchen sink doing dishes and I looked up and saw myself standing there in front of me, looking back at me. His advise to me was that I should call mental health.


Wow. Well after 2 days of taking it, I discovered the reason for the extreme weight loss. It made me SUPER nauseous! I was walking the mile to work and at least a dozen times I seriously thought that I was going to HARD CORE yak all over the sidewalk. I kept thinking there was NO WAY that I was going to make it to the bathroom at work in time to puke. (It turned out that I was able to hold it back and did not puke at all....but I think it was a VERY close call).

So I called the doctor's office and spoke to a nurse who said the doctor is now recommending Elavil:

PROS:
Aids sleep


CONS:
I've had about 35-40 migraines in the past 3 months (....ummmm.........)
WEIGHT GAIN!!!! (damn it!!!!!!!!!)
Nightmares & sleep talking
Extreme sugar cravings
Forgetfulness
Not knowing what day it is (I already have that problem)
Can no see word to spell (does it cause poor grammar too?)
Ringing in ears

Extreme fatigue Confusion Lack of judgement Hallucinations Short and long term memory loss I sleep very, very well and feel rested when I get up! I still get the migraines though so severe and frequent I have to take a double dose of Maxalt at once just to avoid another trip to the ER (so you're also on a 2nd migraine medication....but at least you're well rested.....)

So I'm starting my first dose of Elavil tonight. And based on the reviews, I'm fully expecting to be calling the doctor on Monday asking for a new medication.