Click

My nephew's birthday is coming up and he wants a Lego. Being Amazon Prime members, I ordered it on Amazon. I was told to "order soon" because there was only 1 left in stock. A couple days later we received an email that they actually had none left in stock so the order was canceled.

My sister told me she'd seen it at her Walmart so perhaps my Walmart (or the Walmart near my hotel in Michigan) might have it too. I went to their website and yes, they said it was in stock in Michigan. I ordered it online for an "in-store pickup," paid for it online, and was told that my order was received and, although most orders are processed within minutes of receipt, I should wait until I get an email saying my order is ready before I come to pick it up. It "could" take up to 4 hours. Well, that seemed excessive, but I still had about that much time left at work, so no problem, it should be ready by the time I'm on my way back to the hotel.

4 hours later, it's time to leave work and....still no email. So by now I'm pretty annoyed. I decided, fine, if they're too busy to get 1 item off the shelf, I can do that myself. So I did. Went to the store. Found the Lego. Went to the customer service desk. Explained my situation. Got a blank stare. Explained again. Long pause....blank stare....she went to ask a manager. Turns out there is a "special counter" for Walmart.com orders in the back of the store. Fine. I arrive at an empty service desk and after a couple minutes, Ricky appears. He's about 20 and I suppose no matter what age, probably not super enthusiastic to be working at Walmart anyway, so staring at the floor he mumbles something. And our interaction continues like this:

Me (showing him the Lego I've grabbed off the shelf): I ordered this hours ago for in-store pickup and paid for it online, but never got an email that it was ready, so I just came to get it off the shelf myself.

Ricky: Last name?

Me: McKinney

Ricky (types in my name): Your order isn't ready yet.

Me: ......Yeah, I know. That's why I came here and grabbed it off the shelf myself.

Ricky silently walks away staring at the floor. WTF.

He comes back a few minutes later with a hand-held scanner gun (a Telxon gun according to my husband, the retail expert). He scans the Lego.

Ricky: Hmmm. That's weird. It's not in the system.

Ricky (clicks a button on the screen a few times): Yeah, it's not in the system.

Me (blank stare)

Ricky (click. click. click.): Umm, let me call a manager (click. click. click.). I don't know what to do. (click. click. click.) It's not in the system (click. click. click.).

The manager shows up.

Ricky (click. click. click.): She's trying to purchase this, but it's not in the system.

Manager (confused look)

I explained the whole story. The manager looked up my account, which was easy, because I was apparently the ONLY person who'd made an online order that day. And yet....4-1/2 hours later, no one had even begun trying to process my order yet?? Well they did disclaim that "most" orders were processed within minutes, not "all" orders.

Manager: It says the order isn't ready yet.

Ricky (click. click. click.)

Me: .....Right. That's why I grabbed it off the shelf myself since I placed the order like 4-1/2 hours ago and didn't hear anything back yet.

Manager to Ricky (click. click. click.): Oh, well you have to "bin it" before you can complete the order.

From what I gather, that means that if things had gone according to plan, an employee hours earlier would have gotten the Lego off the shelf and put it in one of many bins to keep there until I came to pick it up. So they would assign whatever bin number they put it in to my order so they'd know where to retrieve it from when I showed up to get it.

Ricky (click. click. click.): Oh. Okay. (click. click. click.)

Manager leaves.

Ricky (click. click. click.): Wait (click. click. click.). How can I bin it if it's not in the system? (click. click. click.)

Ricky (click. click. click.): I'm trying to select it (click. click. click.), but it won't let me select it (click. click. click.), cause it's not in the system (click. click. click.).

Ricky (violent click. violent click. violent click): It's not in the system (violent click. violent click. violent click). So I can't select it. (violent click. violent click).

He takes out a pen and tries to use it like a stylus, first with the ball point retracted, then with it out, then retracted again (violent click. violent click. violent click).

Ricky (violent click. violent click. violent click): It's not in the system (violent click. violent click. violent click). I can't bin it if it's not in the system (violent click. violent click. violent click).

Me: Maybe I can just cancel my online order and then just ring it up like normal (because I'm guessing that if the first 742 clicks didn't work, it's probably not going to work the 743rd time.....).

Ricky (violent click. violent click. violent click): But you've already paid for it (violent click. violent click. violent click).

Me: But canceling the order should refund my money.

Ricky (violent click. violent click. violent click): I don't think so (violent click. violent click. violent click). Let me call the manager again (violent click. violent click. violent click).

At least 10 minutes go by (violent click. violent click. violent click) and the manager hasn't come back yet (violent click. violent click. violent click). I click the "Cancel Order" button on my phone. I get a message that depending on the current status of my order, it may or may not be able to cancel it at this point. I should receive an email shortly to let me know whether or not the cancellation went through (Inbox refresh, refresh, refresh).

Finally the manager shows up. He shows no sign that he's surprised and/or embarrassed and/or apologetic that I'm STILL waiting for this to be resolved.

Ricky (violent click. violent click. violent click): How can I bin it if it's not in the system? (violent click. violent click. violent click)

Manager: I'll be right back.

Ricky (violent click. violent click. violent click)

Me (refresh, refresh, refresh)

Manager: I've canceled your online order. We can just ring it up for you here. You'll be receiving an email shortly that it's been canceled and your money refunded.

Me (refresh, refresh, refresh): Thanks.

We complete the transaction and I spend the entire walk out of the store and into the parking lot refreshing.

It's now 3 days later and I still haven't seen that email.

I did check my bank statement and, a little to my surprise, was indeed only charged once. Needless to say though, I don't recommend Walmart.com

Ohhhh....She Thinks She's a Witch.....

First, if you didn't read my last blog, Theories, you might be lost reading this one. Or at least you'll have missed the great back story of this girl, A.

http://spaputzstories.blogspot.com/2015/05/theories.html

Second, most of you are probably not aware of something that I often say, that a friend pointed out to me, that has now become a joke. And as it turns out, Urban Dictionary is totally aware of it:

Ohhhh

1. Used when a situation or comment is made of an awkward nature to which you have no other response for.
2. Can also be used when one is indifferent to a comment another person makes, or simply does not care.
**IMPORTANT**
Starts out deeper in tone and progresses to a higher pitch.

So now that you're up to speed....this happened today:

Me (this actually did happen, but I was *sort* of joking about the explanation for it): So I think my hotel room is haunted. The radio turned on this morning while I was sleeping. (P.S. I like triple checked....it wasn't the alarm).

A: What time?

Me: 4:55.

A: Do you know anyone that was born on 4/5? Or April 1955? Or does the number 14 mean anything to you? Or 6? Or is today someones birthday? Or do you know anyone born at 4:55?

Me: No.

A: Well that's weird that none of the numerology adds up. Did the song mean anything to you, or remind you of someone?

Me: No.

A: Well, you better be really careful. Because if a spirit has attached itself to you, that could be bad.

Me: Yeah. I don't think it's anything to be worried about.

A: Well that's how they get you though. The first step to possession is earning trust.

Me: Ohhhh.

A: Did I tell you what happened the first night in my new apartment?

Me: No.

A: I turned out the light, and felt like someone was behind me. I turned around and there was a woman who was really burned. And she jumped towards me like she was going to attack. I turned the lights on and she was gone. I haven't seen her since, but I think she's here for my daughter, R.

Me: Ohhhh.

A: Awhile ago, like before R was born, I had to perform a Blood Magic ritual; it's a Wiccan thing. And I performed this Blood Magic ritual to end a bad relationship that my mom was in. But in exchange, I had to give up my first born child, as long as it was a girl.

Me: Ohhhh.  (I didn't ask how the Magic made the bad relationship end; I didn't want to learn it was a fiery car accident or something awful).

A: And I had 3 miscarriages, but they were all boys. R was my first girl, and I think it was the spirits causing my miscarriages to make sure they would get me to have a girl, so I could make good on my end of the deal, you know?

Me: Ohhhh. Yeah.

A: And ever since we moved into this apartment, R has been talking and yelling in her sleep, like, "No. Get away from me. Leave me alone." So I think it's this burned woman showing herself to R in her dreams like as a forewarning of what's to come for her.

Me: Ohhhh.

A: I mean, as part of the deal, I get to keep R until she's either 16 or 18, you know, depending on what They need from her at the time....like.....when she'd be more valuable to Them.

Me: Ohhhh.

A: So I need to get her baptised pretty soon. Maybe that will help. But I need to do it soon because I can already tell she's being evil. Like, not terrible two's. But like actually evil. Like, she knows that things she does upset or hurt people but she does it anyway. I can see she struggles with it, like she doesn't understand what's possessing her to act that way. But I think it's definitely from the deal I made.

Me: Ohhhh.

Theories

This is my 4th week at Palisades now, and I pretty much have no friends. Everyone is nice, but other than a little small talk in the minutes before our daily meeting, I have very little interaction with anyone....until yesterday.

We'll call her A. She is on the janitorial staff. She looks about mid-20's and the past few weeks we've only made small talk for a minute or two while she empties my trash twice a week. But yesterday she asked me how my weekend was. I said that I celebrated my 4th anniversary with my husband. That launched her into a 20 minute story about how it "would've" been her 3rd anniversary this summer, but she's going through a divorce. Her weekend was spent moving into her new apartment with her daughter. She has a 2-year-old, and she only got married because she got pregnant and they thought they should try to make their relationship work. I heard all about what a loser her husband is, I heard all about her income and bills and how is she going to make this work financially? It was quite a story of personal details for a first conversation. But, okay....she's friendly and I wouldn't mind a friend. Then she showed up today for more conversation.....and shit got weird.

It started off innocent enough; she is trying to figure out how to fit all her new furniture into her new tiny apartment. She drew out the floorplan and all her furniture and wanted my opinion about where everything should go. Honestly, it should go in a larger apartment. So I couldn't give her much help. She kept emphasizing that the couch HAD to go on this particular wall that faces the front door so that "in case anything happens, I can react quickly." That seemed paranoid to me, but I'm not a parent so maybe all parents think like that? Seemed somewhat reasonable I guess. So, okay, the couch will go on that wall.

But somehow, it turned into a conversation about not only protecting her daughter physically, but also protecting her identity.

A: It's really important to me that she's not in "the system," you know what I mean? Like, I'm in the system. You're in the system....

(to get power plant access you get fingerprinted and the FBI does a very extensive background check on you)

A: .....my husband is in the system. My mom is. All my siblings are. I need to find someone who's not in the system to take care of my daughter if it ever comes to that. Because then she can't be found. Except....what if she's ever kidnapped or something and she's not in the system. Then they won't have anything to go on to find her. Like her prints or anything. What do you think? Should I put her in the system, or not? What would you do?

Me: ......ummm.......I don't really know.......I'm not a parent so.........

A: Well, I guess it doesn't matter. Because as soon as she starts kindergarten, she'll be put in the system. The firemen come to the school and do it, you know? (no I don't.....) But maybe she can be sick that day if I decide I don't want her in the system *sly grin*

A: What I'm really afraid of is that Marshall Law isn't too far away. You heard about all those Walmart's that closed, right?

Me: No.

A: (copied from snopes.com, she basically quoted word-for-word the following) Several Walmart stores around the U.S. were abruptly closed due to what Walmart claimed were "plumbing problems." Walmarts in California, Texas, Florida, and Oklahoma all suddenly closed their doors, with Walmart corporate announcing that some of those stores would be shuttered for six months or more. But several aspects of these closures struck Walmart employees and shoppers as implausible. How was it that several stores in widely dispersed areas of the U.S. with nothing in common all needed to be shut down simultaneously in order to address "plumbing problems"? Why were all these stores closed with barely more than a few hours' notice to Walmart customers and workers? Why should rectifying plumbing issues require that these stores be closed for upwards of six months? Why the seeming lack of required city work permits and marked septic or plumbing trucks at the affected locations? It's because The closures are linked to the U.S. Army's Jade Helm military exercise scheduled for the summer which involves soldiers trying to operate undetected among civilian populations in areas where residents will be advised to report any suspicious activity. It's because it's really going to be the setting for the imposition of martial law, and the construction of so-called FEMA domes across Texas.

Me: .......ohhhhhh.........

A: I don't blame them though. Walmart is a good place for a FEMA dome. Like I've got it all planned out that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, I plan to hide out in a Walmart. Those places are fully equipped with everything! You could bunker down there for a long time and be okay. I just need to find someone who's not in the system to take my daughter. My friend K isn't in the system. But she's not a fighter. She'd just give up and let the zombies bite her and my daughter. So I can't leave my kid with her. I need to find someone who's not in the system, AND who's a fighter!



.............how did this chick pass the 350 question psych evaluation that's required for plant access???