Conspiracy Theory

My husband loves pillows. He likes to be surrounded by them when he sleeps. There is one to pad the headboard, another two that he lays his head on, one that he hugs in his sleep, and even the occasional "barrier pillow" in between us to muffle the sounds of my snoring or to prevent his flailing arms from making contact with my head. So that's 5 pillows on his side of the bed....

But there used to be 6.

A few years ago, there was also a neck pillow. It was green and white checkered and had tassels dangling from each of the ends. And it became his favorite pillow once he discovered that dangling the tassels in my face would result in me making a face and noises of protest that he found amusing. I was not a fan.

And then one day, the pillow wasn't there anymore.

Our house was once owned and occupied by Jim's grandparents. After they passed, my mother-in-law inherited the house, and my husband was living with his parents at the time, so Jim's mom suggested that he move into the house. Having not lived on his own before, Jim had very few items of furniture and decor, so most of what had belonged to his grandparents was kept in the house for Jim's use, including that pillow.

But when Jim and I started getting serious about our relationship, and talks began about me moving in, his mom knew that I had a whole condo's worth of furnishings and stuff to bring over. So she would occasionally come over to the house to take some items that she was interested in for her house, and since she knew I'd have equivalent replacement items, it was no big deal for her to take a few of her parents' things every once in awhile.

So when the pillow was deemed missing, I offered the most reasonable explanation: his mom must have taken it. But Jim was not buying my "story." He felt it was MUCH more likely that due to my strong disdain of that pillow, I must certainly have thrown it away.

For the record...I didn't.

Then he suggested that I must have been conspiring with his mom about the pillow; that I asked her to take it back for herself.

For the record...I didn't do that either.

He then concluded that perhaps I wasn't horrible enough to steal and/or throw away a pillow that did not belong to me, but that at the very least, I must have hidden it somewhere.

Again...wrong.

I tell him every time this topic comes up in conversation (it's like 3 years later and yes, it still comes up regularly) that he should just ask his mom if she took it. He replies that since she must have been involved in the conspiracy, she would just lie to him about it too.

And what most strongly convinces him that I was behind the disappearance of the pillow is that every time it comes up in conversation, I start laughing uncontrollably, really, really hard about it because I think it's HILARIOUS that on paper at least, his theories about my involvement are all TOTALLY likely. If anyone had a motive to get rid of the pillow I am no-contest way higher on the list than anyone else would be. The only thing that makes his theories fall apart is that I'm not a horrible enough person to ever steal, trash, or conspire against any of his stuff. So the mystery of the pillow remains unsolved.


And I swear I didn't do it :)