Go Bears!

Last Thursday was the opening day of preseason football. If you are a Chicagoan, you were most likely rooting for the Bears to beat the Broncos. I am a Chicagoan, but I'm not a sports fan, so I was rooting for the Broncos because I <3 Peyton. But not because of his football skills (although I hear he is very good). I <3 him because I thought he was really funny when he hosted Saturday Night Live a few years ago.

I was walking to Union Station after work last Thursday, and there was a guy standing on the bridge wearing a Bears hat and shouting, "GO BEARS! YEAH! GIVE ME A HIGH-FIVE IF YOU LOVE THE BEARS! WE'RE GONNA WIN TONIGHT! YEAH! GO BEARS! COME ON AND GIVE ME SOME LOVE IF YOU LOVE THE BEARS! HIGH-FIVE!!!!"

Well, as I just mentioned, I don't "love" the Bears, but I figured this guy must be SUPER excited about it if he's giving up a portion of his day just to get high-fives and pump up some fans. And what harm was it going to do me to increase his excitement by giving him the high-five that he was asking for? I'm typically kind of rude to people on the street who ask for money, but high-fives don't cost me anything. Plus, he was standing pretty close to one of the regular street beggars, drawing attention away from that guy's cup-shaking so no one was donating their spare change to the "crippled" guy, which made me all the more happy to help this fan out with a high-five.

This "crippled" guy is easily my least favorite "homeless" guy that I pass every day. He stands on the bridge with his toe/leg pointed slightly inward and leans on a crutch. Brilliant. I can turn my leg inward too. I doesn't necessarily mean I'm crippled.

So I was glad to see the Bears fanatic taking attention away from the gimp, and I happily gave the guy a high-five in passing.

I looked back as he started shouting, "YEAH! THANKS! GO BEARS!"

But then he pulled a roll of one dollar bills out of his pocket, took one from the roll, and put it in the "crippled" guy's donation cup saying, "Another high-five.....another dollar for you!"

WHAT?!?!?!?!

Are you effing kidding me!?!?!?!?!?

I would NEVER have given up a high-five if I'd know that it was going to result in that fake cripple getting even a penny on my behalf!!

And the "crip" yelled after me, "Thanks!"

You're NOT welcome. Asshole!


The next day I walked past the "gimp" on the bridge. He was wearing a Bears hat.....

Glad you enjoyed "my" dollar, Shitbag.


GO BRONCOS!