Urlacher

So it seems that I'm surrounded by Bears fans, not just on the street, but at work as well. Or at least people who like to call themselves Bears fans.....


R: Hey, C. Did you hear that some guy on the Bears just had knee surgery?

C: Oh, yeah I kinda heard something about that. Who was it though?

R: I can't remember his name.

C: Me neither. He's that bald guy, right?

R: Yeah.

C: And I think he's a linebacker, right?

R: Yeah I think so.

D (overhearing the conversation and jumping in): Are you kidding me? You don't know his name??

C: No. Do you know who it is?

D: Urlacher!

C: Oh yeah. Urlacher.

R (talking to C again, while D went back to his work): Do you remember his first name?

C: No. I can't think of it. You don't know it?

R: Is it Tom?

C: Yeah! That's it. It's Tom.

D (jumping back into the conversation): Are you kidding me again? Tom Urlacher?? Seriously??

C: It's not Tom?

D: No!

C & R: (blank stare)

D: It's Brian!

C & R: Oh yeah!

C went back to his desk and R came over to D's desk, which is right next to mine.

R: You know, I can remember him playing in the 1985 Superbowl game. He was incredible!

Me and D: ............

Me: .....um......He wasn't in the 1985 Superbowl......

R: He was! I can remember him playing.

D: No....I'm pretty sure he didn't start playing until 2000.

R: No, you're wrong. I remember him in that game. He was the best one on the team!

Me: Dude, that was like 30 years ago. How old do you think he is?!

R: No! It wasn't 30 years ago....

Me: Yeah, sorry I was rounding. It was only 27 years ago......

R (doing some bad math in his head and saying...): I'm sure he was in that game though. He's always been their star player!

R (walking back to his desk, talking to himself, while D and I can't stop laughing): Yeah, he's such a great player. I hope the Bears can still make it to the Superbowl without him this year!


GO BEARS!!

Go Bears!

Last Thursday was the opening day of preseason football. If you are a Chicagoan, you were most likely rooting for the Bears to beat the Broncos. I am a Chicagoan, but I'm not a sports fan, so I was rooting for the Broncos because I <3 Peyton. But not because of his football skills (although I hear he is very good). I <3 him because I thought he was really funny when he hosted Saturday Night Live a few years ago.

I was walking to Union Station after work last Thursday, and there was a guy standing on the bridge wearing a Bears hat and shouting, "GO BEARS! YEAH! GIVE ME A HIGH-FIVE IF YOU LOVE THE BEARS! WE'RE GONNA WIN TONIGHT! YEAH! GO BEARS! COME ON AND GIVE ME SOME LOVE IF YOU LOVE THE BEARS! HIGH-FIVE!!!!"

Well, as I just mentioned, I don't "love" the Bears, but I figured this guy must be SUPER excited about it if he's giving up a portion of his day just to get high-fives and pump up some fans. And what harm was it going to do me to increase his excitement by giving him the high-five that he was asking for? I'm typically kind of rude to people on the street who ask for money, but high-fives don't cost me anything. Plus, he was standing pretty close to one of the regular street beggars, drawing attention away from that guy's cup-shaking so no one was donating their spare change to the "crippled" guy, which made me all the more happy to help this fan out with a high-five.

This "crippled" guy is easily my least favorite "homeless" guy that I pass every day. He stands on the bridge with his toe/leg pointed slightly inward and leans on a crutch. Brilliant. I can turn my leg inward too. I doesn't necessarily mean I'm crippled.

So I was glad to see the Bears fanatic taking attention away from the gimp, and I happily gave the guy a high-five in passing.

I looked back as he started shouting, "YEAH! THANKS! GO BEARS!"

But then he pulled a roll of one dollar bills out of his pocket, took one from the roll, and put it in the "crippled" guy's donation cup saying, "Another high-five.....another dollar for you!"

WHAT?!?!?!?!

Are you effing kidding me!?!?!?!?!?

I would NEVER have given up a high-five if I'd know that it was going to result in that fake cripple getting even a penny on my behalf!!

And the "crip" yelled after me, "Thanks!"

You're NOT welcome. Asshole!


The next day I walked past the "gimp" on the bridge. He was wearing a Bears hat.....

Glad you enjoyed "my" dollar, Shitbag.


GO BRONCOS!