Shipwreck

The women at my company make up about 10% of the employee population. Therefore, it is statistically given that I should be surrounded by 9 men before you will see another female. And of those 9 men, I suppose there would be a statistic about how many of them would be romantically interested in that 1 woman. I don't have the official stats on that, but I can say for sure that out of the 9, there is at least 1 who would be interested in that woman...

His name is Shipwreck. Not his actual name, but the nickname that my friends I and use to say mean, funny things about him without anyone else in ear-shot knowing who we are talking about.

I was introduced to him sometime during my first week at the company. He sat not too far down the hall from me, and was friends with the guy I sat next to. So Shipwreck would often come by and say hello to my quad-mate, who introduced us. It began then as an obligatory "Hi" when passing each other in the hall or the obligatory small talk if I was unfortunate enough to be stuck in the same elevator as him.

This behavior went on for a few months, until my birthday that year. I was foolish enough to bring in cupcakes for everyone, which Shipwreck noticed:

SW: Oh, it's your birthday?

Me: Yeah.

SW: Well then, I should take you out to lunch.

Me: (hesitantly, but too polite to be rude and say no and possibly hurt his feelings) .....Okay......

So we went to lunch.

Now, this was really the first time I'd ever had a long conversation with him that involved talking about anything more than the weather or Star Wars or Star Trek or Battlestar Galactica...so I discovered that he was about 11 years older than me, and I was closer in age to his youngest kid than I was to him. We had zero in common and pretty much zero to talk about. It was the kind of thing where we both seemed really glad when the food came, cause then we could just eat instead of having to fill the awkward silence by attempting a conversation. At the end of the lunch hour I had never been so happy to be back at work, and I was convinced that he probably wouldn't pay me much attention anymore since we very clearly had nothing going for us to maintain any kind of friendship...until a few weeks later...when he asked me out to lunch again:

(instant message)
SW: Hey! Would you like to go out for lunch today?

Me: I'm already eating lunch.

SW: Oh. You eat early, huh?

Me: Usually around 11:30.

SW: Okay. Well, if you are ever interested, just let me know.

Excellent. He put the ball in my court....or so I thought....until the next day:

(instant message)
SW: Hey! How about having lunch with me today?

Me: (what the....????) I already have plans.

SW: Okay. Well maybe some other time.

Let's now skip ahead to the next day:

(instant message)
SW: Hey! What are you doing for lunch today?

Me: (seriously?? WTF??) I brought my lunch today and don't want to waste it.

SW: Oh. Okay. Well let me know if you are interested some other time.

This went on for the next 3 or 4 days in a row, with me making similar excuses like, "I'm too busy working to stop and eat," "I have plans again," "I brought lunch again," "I'm already eating again," etc.

Later that week:

(instant message)
SW: Hey! How about going out for lunch today?

Me: I'm on a diet. I'm trying not to eat out.

SW: Oh. Okay. Well, good luck with that.

My buddy E: No offense, but...he's probably gonna notice if you don't start losing some weight...

Me: Yeah. And he'd be a real ASSHOLE to say anything to me about it!

E: Good point!

A few months later...

(instant message)
SW: Hey! Want to go out for lunch today?

Me: (press esc to close chat window)

And I never heard from him again :)