Office Policy

If you haven't read my blog "Maintenance Issues" from November 7, 2011 I suggest you take a few minutes to read it before going any further with this blog because a) It's funny -and- b) It's relevant to understanding the hilarity of the following entry.

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So now that you're up to speed on my feelings of personal hygiene in the office...here is a clip from our bi-weekly office newsletter that was issued yesterday:

S&Lers periodically ask that everyone be reminded about minimizing distractions to nearby co-workers. Activities that are described as being especially distracting or disruptive include:

- Using the speaker phone feature in a work area.

- Listening to a PC program, playing a radio, etc., without using headphones.

- When using headphones, not having the volume low enough or unconsciously humming along, snapping fingers to a catchy beat, etc.

- Attending to personal grooming including the use of nail clippers.

- Having relatively loud conversations outside a conference room while waiting for the room.

- Having lengthy conversations with multiple people crowded into a work area.

- Having lengthy personal phone conversations.

Using Quiet Rooms and headphones when applicable and being aware of other unintended distractions are courtesies that your co-workers will appreciate.

Thank you :)

> Reminder: Be Aware of Activities That Can Distract Co-Workers

Shipwreck

The women at my company make up about 10% of the employee population. Therefore, it is statistically given that I should be surrounded by 9 men before you will see another female. And of those 9 men, I suppose there would be a statistic about how many of them would be romantically interested in that 1 woman. I don't have the official stats on that, but I can say for sure that out of the 9, there is at least 1 who would be interested in that woman...

His name is Shipwreck. Not his actual name, but the nickname that my friends I and use to say mean, funny things about him without anyone else in ear-shot knowing who we are talking about.

I was introduced to him sometime during my first week at the company. He sat not too far down the hall from me, and was friends with the guy I sat next to. So Shipwreck would often come by and say hello to my quad-mate, who introduced us. It began then as an obligatory "Hi" when passing each other in the hall or the obligatory small talk if I was unfortunate enough to be stuck in the same elevator as him.

This behavior went on for a few months, until my birthday that year. I was foolish enough to bring in cupcakes for everyone, which Shipwreck noticed:

SW: Oh, it's your birthday?

Me: Yeah.

SW: Well then, I should take you out to lunch.

Me: (hesitantly, but too polite to be rude and say no and possibly hurt his feelings) .....Okay......

So we went to lunch.

Now, this was really the first time I'd ever had a long conversation with him that involved talking about anything more than the weather or Star Wars or Star Trek or Battlestar Galactica...so I discovered that he was about 11 years older than me, and I was closer in age to his youngest kid than I was to him. We had zero in common and pretty much zero to talk about. It was the kind of thing where we both seemed really glad when the food came, cause then we could just eat instead of having to fill the awkward silence by attempting a conversation. At the end of the lunch hour I had never been so happy to be back at work, and I was convinced that he probably wouldn't pay me much attention anymore since we very clearly had nothing going for us to maintain any kind of friendship...until a few weeks later...when he asked me out to lunch again:

(instant message)
SW: Hey! Would you like to go out for lunch today?

Me: I'm already eating lunch.

SW: Oh. You eat early, huh?

Me: Usually around 11:30.

SW: Okay. Well, if you are ever interested, just let me know.

Excellent. He put the ball in my court....or so I thought....until the next day:

(instant message)
SW: Hey! How about having lunch with me today?

Me: (what the....????) I already have plans.

SW: Okay. Well maybe some other time.

Let's now skip ahead to the next day:

(instant message)
SW: Hey! What are you doing for lunch today?

Me: (seriously?? WTF??) I brought my lunch today and don't want to waste it.

SW: Oh. Okay. Well let me know if you are interested some other time.

This went on for the next 3 or 4 days in a row, with me making similar excuses like, "I'm too busy working to stop and eat," "I have plans again," "I brought lunch again," "I'm already eating again," etc.

Later that week:

(instant message)
SW: Hey! How about going out for lunch today?

Me: I'm on a diet. I'm trying not to eat out.

SW: Oh. Okay. Well, good luck with that.

My buddy E: No offense, but...he's probably gonna notice if you don't start losing some weight...

Me: Yeah. And he'd be a real ASSHOLE to say anything to me about it!

E: Good point!

A few months later...

(instant message)
SW: Hey! Want to go out for lunch today?

Me: (press esc to close chat window)

And I never heard from him again :)

Moving Forward

I have discovered a lot of things in the past few weeks...a lot about myself, a lot about my husband, a lot about marriage, and mostly, a lot about the importance of communication.

It's not that I think I deserve any of this, or that I blame myself, or that I'm glad to have discovered my husband's infidelity (well...I actually am glad to have discovered it. I am not glad that it was ever happening in the first place). But overall, it seems like this was the ultimate kick in the ass that we both needed to get our relationship on the right track.

I'm that insecure girl who has always questioned why anyone would ever be interested in being with me. I'm SUPER emotional, and guys hate that, right? At least stereotypically they do. I'm pushy and I'm stubborn and sometimes mean and also bitchy. I can dish it out, but am only recently learning that that means I have to be able to take it too.

So when I moved in with my now-husband at a time when we were still dating, I didn't want him to discover all these terrible things about me. So I thought it best to keep my distance. I knew that prior to my moving in, he spent a lot of his free time watching sports and playing video games. I didn't want to disturb that pattern. I didn't want to be that clingy, annoying girlfriend-type who starts telling her boyfriend what to do. I didn't want to steal the remote and make him watch House Hunters instead of football. I didn't want to force him to go to the mall instead of going to a sports bar. I didn't want to insist on changing the sports decor around the house to something more classy. I didn't want him to notice that there was any difference in his life at all after I moved in. So I kept my distance.

But my assumption that he still just wanted to watch sports or play video games all night while I made myself busy doing whatever by myself, led him to the assumption that I didn't want to spend time with him. So he reached out to someone else who would give him attention. It honestly never occurred to me that if he'd wanted his life to remain exactly as it had before I moved in...he probably wouldn't have let me move it. I guess it never occurred to him to say anything to me about spending so much time alone either.

We both agree that the last 11 days since I have moved back home have been the strongest days that our relationship has ever seen. I feel like the best way to move forward is to say that whatever he did, said or felt in the past...that's in the past. After I left, his mindset started to change. And after I helped him realize that his "girlfriend" was simply using him, he got mad. He cut her out. The issue with her seems to have almost resolved itself overnight. Almost.

We still have a long way to go. Every day is still one-day-at-a-time. Most of the time I feel like everything is going okay. And most of the time I think about how we've come so far in just a few weeks. But every once in awhile I realize that we've only just begun the healing process. And when I really start to think about it, I realize that I'm still really upset and really mad that the man I love, and have given all of myself to, was giving most of himself to someone else.

It hurts.

A lot.

I don't deserve it.

But I have hope that we are both committed to making things work. I think if he didn't really want to be with me, I've just given him the perfect opportunity to get out. He didn't take it.

I hope he can learn to deal with his feelings. I hope he can realize that his wife loves him more than any Seattle Skank ever could. I hope he can figure out how to make me believe in him again.